A letter from me (an extrovert, outgoing, appetite-for-living-life-lady) to me (the me that craves I do less, aka has more white space), shared with you.
So I’m going to be honestly, I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately. Yeah, some free time in my schedule sounds amazing, considering I’ve been going from thing-to-thing these past few weeks. Like pack my 3 outfits for the day in my car. Change in the car…while ‘driving’ (I put it in park at a red light chill!) But hey, I did get my car-washed! And then it hailed in LA and now it’s all spotty. Shit, I’m avoiding the topic at hand I know, I know. I brought it up then covered it with a cute, quick story.
Back to business. I need more of you. I know I my need more white space in my schedule, in fact I want it. But fuck, I’m scared. To me it feels like I’m losing out on opportunities and not living life fully if I am not loading up my plate. That’s where you came in to remind me that:
“Nat, love the thought, but you can’t expect to get more out of life if you’re walking around with your plate full.”
other me: “Uhh but everything in life is so delicious and zesty, and hey I’m given these opportunities so I have to jump on them, you know? Learn, grow, meet new people. MAKE CONNECTIONS. HELLOOOO that’s part of my acting job. You never know who can help you. And I like a lot of flavors, I don’t want to get bored. I’m alive, and it’s a–shit. I sound like I’m trying to defend myself. HELP. Please.”
“You see I’ve always been here for you, you just had to tap your heels (kidding, kind of-but hear me out). Think about this metaphor over the next few months when you’re scheduling life: who would the universe give more food to- the person in the cafeteria carrying around a tray filled to the brim with food or the person who has the space to accept said food. When you add on, you have to be able to shed something, or at least have room on your plate. Because sooner or later that once beautiful plate of food will just look like a huge fucking pile of mess that looks too overwhelming to eat. The plate will either crack or you’ll just want to throw it out in the trash and start over again. Let’s not get there shall we? I mean you’re getting close overfilled plate status, but finish some of what’s been given and that will clear some room. That white space on your plate? Always try to leave some. Leave more than your comfortable with, and have faith you’ll still be full on what you’ve got. You can then be more choosey as to what you add.”
Yes. Ok other me. I need to get better at saying NO. And committing to say yes only when it’s a HELL YES. And that scares the hell out of me (yes I’m saying it again because it’s true!) I say yes because I want to feel needed/wanted. And I feel needed when people want my help, so I should give it to them because they want me. But in reality, I need to think of me first, and not have that underlying fear of not being wanted run my life. Phew. Damn. Ok. Let’s do this.
So thank you other me, that beautiful lover of doing less, for giving me the perfect food related metaphor- to get to me. I needed you so badly and am thankful I let you show up.
Here’s to a plate with some white space.
The-I’m-almost-too-full-(ok I’m full and need to do less)-Natalie